Hello wonderful world.

I'm here today to go off on a fucking tangent about dogmas and spiritual bypassing.

Let me take a deep breath before I unleash what I've been holding in for so long...

First of all, I cannot stress the damage and pain dogmas have caused in my life.

To be specific, I've worked with people who are experts in one dogma called "The Law of Attraction" that appears to be a popular method in our current society.

Let me just clarify the fact that I believe in the fact that we can attract things such as illness if we stress so much about a specific situation or scenario in our lives.

However, the mere fact someone is telling you that if you repeatedly have a fear or thought about your loved one dying that it'll attract it or come true and create it is complete fear instillment in people. I think this dogma is fear-based thinking. I think it is so overtly focused on victim-blaming and shaming. I think it is arrogant and completely manipulative to believe you and your dogmas specifically know how the Universe works without curiosity or question. It is disgusting. It is abhorrent. Not only is it disgusting, but it literally TRAUMATIZES and individual more and could cause them severe paranoia and PTSD. Not okay with me whatsoever.

You're not that special. You're not God. You have not lived what other people have lived.

I had this problem arise when I heard a LOA Specialist tell a girl that SHE asked for someone to rape her at a young age because "it happened for her, not to her." When I tell you that I felt my stomach churn....

I'm sorry, what the fuck. This is not okay on any level. This is blatant and obvious victim-blaming, spiritual bypassing and complete and utterly destructive to an already traumatized individual.

This is teaching an already traumatized individual that they have to repress their "negative" emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. because it's not "spiritual" or "high vibrations" or "love and light."

Listen, people need to FEEL to HEAL. They need to feel ALL of it. They need to feel the most disgusting, painful, scary, etc. feelings they are carrying inside to they can complete themselves inside their nervous system and finally be released to no longer feel them anymore.

The fact someone is telling you to stop thinking or feeling "negatively" or scary thoughts only pushes them down to have them build more inside your system wanting to be released. Come on people. Let's also use fucking knowledge of our nervous systems and how fight or flight affects the thoughts we have without our control. Do you know how many thoughts run through our head every day? A lot. Both "helpful" and "unhelpful" thoughts.

Please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to unsubscribe from a modality or dogma if it's currently causing you more harm than healing. You're not alone. You're gonna be okay. It's okay to feel and think all of it. It's just a survival response.

Now, I also want to discuss spiritual bypassing and forgiveness. I was told that in order to heal the wound, I have to forgive. For a while, I tried forgiving my narcissistic ex who did abhorrent things to me without a true apology being offered to me. I tried forgiving the infidelity, the gaslighting, the lies, the guilt and the pain they instilled in me.. I tried forgiving it because I felt like I wasn't being a "good person" if I didn't. But let me tell you something: forgiveness does not have to be part of your healing journey. Also, forgiveness comes NATURALLY. When you want to forgive, it's not forced. Forgiveness is not a mandatory factor in healing. You can heal without forgiving. If someone tells you otherwise, it's bullshit. Sorry.

The only person you should try to work on forgiving first is yourself. Remember that.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk :)

P.S. If anyone wants to hire me for Ted Talks, I'm available LOL.

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© 2020 by Valerie Martinez. Valerie's Revival.